Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
