I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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