I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
