I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
