i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.