I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts