That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.