OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.