I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)