you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.