youre lurking in front of me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think I am morally bankrupt
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize