But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
