Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
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Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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