Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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