i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
