Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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