Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
