like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
