Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
