Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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