Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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