I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
