so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
