y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
