I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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