I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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