she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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