My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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