I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
