toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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