she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
