shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
