Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
