he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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