Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
