I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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