my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
