You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you inspire me to be a worse person
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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