I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
