I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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