I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
