in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
