I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
