Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
