I just threw up on my dentist
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
