If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
