my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
