he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize