The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
