I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
