I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
