i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
