I will die if light touches me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
