we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
