We won't sleep together?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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