I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
