i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
