Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
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I feel like you just railed me after that sext
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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