i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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