how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
