you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
