You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
