fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
