I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
