Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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