my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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