I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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