i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We had sex on a dog bed..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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