How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
