It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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