DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
