So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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