We named our party play list daddy issues
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
