Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
