I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
