Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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