Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
