everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
