you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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