The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
